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May. 1st, 2005 @ 10:17 am (no subject)
Current Mood: fuck off, bitches
Current Music: "Changes" 3 Doors Down
do you ever hate your parents for trying to help you?

why do they always try too hard to make sense out of every fuckin thing that goes on? especially my dad... he thinks that im supposed to be just like my mom and always perky and happy and whatev...

well, im here to tell you: FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!

sorry, guys, im really stressed out... and whats worse is i dont know why...

so im in a really irritable mood, and im getting pissed at everyone, especially myself...

always & forever
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Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 04:15 pm theres nothing like dancin and fireworks at the farm....
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: "Here Without You" -- 3 Doors Down
i left june 25th for my aunts... mom stayed friday night and saturday... then she left saturday night so she could be at church sunday... she called me sunday night, and said that a whole bunch of people were asking her where i was!! (its been a long time since ive missed church!!!).... then monday i participated in a dance camp at my cousins dance studio (Heidi Knight's School of Dance in Harvest (just outside of Huntsville), Alabama).... tuesday, i danced again, and stayed after a few minutes to stretch a little more, then that night, chandler had his b-day camp-out in the backyard, and i made all thirteen of the boys that came scared of me cuz when they wouldnt listen to kathy, barry, and eric, id yell at them.... then wednesday was dance camp and extra stretching afterward (i put on my pointe shoes for that extra stretching....) then thursday was dance camp (ballet was done on pointe), extra stretching, and beginning to pack up to go to Arkansas.... friday: finish packing, dance camp on pointe, half-an-hour of extra stretching, throwing everything in kathys car, and heading for Arkansas... kathy got a warning for speeding!! it was soooo funny... taylor and chandler freaked out, and i just laughed... so we got to the hotel we were staying in, and we went swimming a bit, then we went to wendys and got dinner, then we ate and i took a long long shower after kathy and the kids were done with the bathroom.... saturday we went to my great-grandparents' farm... we met my great-uncle kens new wife, natalia, and her two kids, mike (8) and carolena (not sure how to spell her name, but shes 16)... then we shot a few fireworks in case it was too dry sunday night... mom, alex, and richmond got there about 11:00... then we went back to the hotel, swam again, i took a long shower again (i was still staying in kathys room, even though i couldve stayed in moms room since dad was sick and couldnt make it to the farm).... sunday, we went to wal-mart to get some stuff (i ended up getting five cds and a t-shirt), then it stormed really bad (taylor and chandler were scared, so kathy took us back to the hotel and we went inside and watched the weather channel until the power went out, but then it came back on, then the cable cut, then it came back on about a minute before we decided it had stopped storming enough for us to head to the farm) so then we went to the farm, and their power was still out, so i stayed inside and played cards most of the time... kathy, mom, alex, richmond, and some others went fishing... so we shot fireworks and didnt make it back to the hotel before they closed the pool, so we didnt swim... i took a quick shower and packed most of my stuff.... then monday, we finished packing and headed out of Arkansas... we took my grandparents to nashvilles airport so they could get their car (they had gone to a funeral in South Dakota, then they flew to Little Rock) then we came home....

so now im home, ive missed two sundays of church... oh, well.... i leave for florida on the 24th... ill miss another two sundays of church... but i may get to see rush in concert again!! (only if doug can get us back-stage passes, tho!!!!) but itll be cool.... St. Augustine, beaches, possible scuba diving or snorkling, swimming, tanning, getting a burnt face, and probably seeing bill, dawn, morgan, april, matthew, and daniel on the way home.... i hope we stop in to see bill.... im still pretty worried about daniel... his situation scares me.... but anyway...

luv much!!!

always and forever
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Jun. 1st, 2004 @ 11:37 am driving is right around the corner
Current Mood: good
Current Music: nothing at all!
im finally fifteen!! yay!! my b-day was yesterday, and for once, my parents actually left me alone!!! they were constantly asking me if i wanted to go to the movies or out to dinner for my b-day, but since i got to have a scrapbooking party at my church on saturday with indsey, tor tor, emy, alex gram, my aunt, my cousin taylor-baylor, my grandmother, my oldest brothers ex-girlfriend, and my mom and me, and indsey, emy, and tor tor spent the night and came to church with me on sunday, i had had my fill of people for the weekend, so i told my momma that i wanted to stay home and do nothing for my b-day... and i did!!

but it was a rude awakening this morning when momma woke me up by saying "Your room smells like SHIT!! What is in here?!?!?" yeah... but thats okay... im just sick of my b-day being on memorial day.... that got annoying after about the third time it happened....

but its all good, so im gonna go... do something until 12:15... i have to finish washing my clothes before friday otherwise richmond might steal some more of them...

luv always!! always and forever, everyone!!!!
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May. 13th, 2004 @ 06:11 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: What Else Can I Do, Steve Fee
sorry, im really gonna write those songs now:

"what else can i do" by steve fee:

Your love for me is a healing comfort for me Your grace to me is a matchless gift to me Your power in me is a mighty river in me
at the end of the day with the setting of the sun after all is said and done
what else can i do but worship what else can i do but bow cause all i really long for is You and all i really yearn for is You
Your sovreignty is a sure foundation for me Your care for me is enduring peace in me Your hope in me brings a sweet surrender to me
at the end of the day with the setting of the sun after all is said and done
what else can i do but worship what else can i do but bow cause all i really long for is You and all i really yearn for is You
what else can i do but praise You joining in the sound of Heavens song cause all i really long for is You all i really yearn for is You and all i really need, Lord, is You

"hold on" by good charlotte:

this world, this world is cold but you dont, you dont have to go youre feeling sad youre feeling lonely but no one seems to care your mothers gone and your father hits you this pain you cannot bear
but we all bleed the same way as you do and we all have the same things to go through
hold on if you feel like letting go hold on it gets better than you know
your days you say theyre way too long and your nights you cant sleep at all and youre not sure what youre looking for but you dont want to know more and youre not sure what youre waiting for but you dont want to know more
but we all bleed the same way as you do and we all have the same things to go through
hold on if you feel like letting go hold on it gets better than you know
dont stop looking youre one step closer dont stop searching its not over hold on
what are you looking for? what are you waiting for? do you know what youre doing to me? go ahead what are you waiting for?
hold on if you feel like letting go hold on it gets better than you know
dont stop looking youre one step closer dont stop searching its not over hold on

thats all im gonna post for now cuz i gotta go see ADDICT!!

see yas -- ronnye
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May. 13th, 2004 @ 06:10 pm (no subject)
im only gonna put 4 maybe 5 whole songs.... here they go!!
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May. 13th, 2004 @ 05:35 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Here I am for You, Steve Fee
anyway.... i guess life just sucks all around... mine at least is shitty as hell.... but oh, well... i still have God... unfortunately, God is about all i actually have right now... heres parts of some songs i love --

"lonely people" by jars of clay: this is for all the lonely people thinkin' that life has passed them by dont give up until you drink from the silver cup ride that highway in the sky this is for all the single people thinkin' that life has left them dry dont give up until you drink from the silver cup youll never know until you try

"only alive" by jars of clay: though my heart has been torn by loves i have worn and im tempted by them ever still i tremble inside when you walk in the room you hold my affections and will im only alive when im with you i cant get by and i wont get through so put me in the river and let me say i do im only alive with you

"faith enough" by jars of clay: the world is crumblin' but i know why this body frail enough for fighting im home enough to know im lost its just enough to be strong in the broken places, in the broken places its just enough to be strong should the world rely on faith tonight poor enough to gain the treasure enough a cynic to believe confused enough to know direction be still enough to finally tremble and see enough to know im blind

"lesser things" by jars of clay: ash to ash and dust to dust steel on steel or rain to rust what mortal breath blood money brings forth from the altar of the lesser things is there grace for a wayward heart is there grace for a wayward heart grace, grace

"im in the way" by jars of clay: you sit and stare out at the sky and think of ways to fake a smile but life is never what it seems sometimes it only takes awhile im in the way of fallin' down i wont let you go that far now im in the way of fallin' down i wont let you go that far now if you think that hope was left behind i picked it up a mile ago and i am runnin' close behind so dont give up and dont let go

"jealous kind" by jars of clay: one hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars if i should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace and love that shames the wise, betrays the hearts deceit and lies and breaks the back of foolish pride you know ive been unfaithful lovers in lines while youre turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind i chose the gallows to the aisle thought that love would never find hanging ropes will never keep you and your love of a jealous kind love of a jealous kind

"conflicted" by steve fee: im injected with the power of your touch im infected by the lies i hate so much im confused and dazed that your glorious gaze made its way to me through the pain and the shame and the blame you set me free who are you to tell me that you love me who am i to question who you are who are you to wrap your arms around me who are you to carry me this far given the state of my human heart

"captivate" by steve fee: my hearts in need of holding my souls in need of truth come be near me come surround me i lift my hands in sweet surrender im falling humbly on my knees i fix my gaze upon your splendor how i love your majesty you captivate me you captivate me

"sacred space" by steve fee: its where i run its where i hide its where you hold me safe inside its where i live its where i breathe its where i look upon your beauty its where i fall its where i rest its where i find who loves me best its where i tremble in holy fear its where my questions disappear its where my feet begin to dance when i realize where i am in You, Jesus

for more WHOLE songs, wait! -- ronnye
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May. 11th, 2004 @ 08:49 pm broken toes are bad omens...
Current Mood: hating 'most everything
Current Music: Here I am to Worship... in an attempt to regain my sanity...
i normally am not superstitious, but i dont think my broken toe is gonna be a good omen about my youth choir musical on sunday.... i didnt get to see cory on sunday... that depresses me... he was at his dads, so im still obsessing.... gggrrrr....

i hate obsessing over people... i hate obsessing all together... i hate stress... i hate sleep... i hate homework... i hate finals... i hate summer... i hate the world in general... i hate parents... i hate my brother... i hate that people that im close to are losing the people they love... i hate death... however, i would welcome my own death...

quite frankly, i hate everything and everyone except: cory wilhoit, indsey, tor, patti, emy, patty gray, nate sandidge, kelsey mccormack, church, and solitude....

i just hope i dont go all "masochistic and suicidal" like i used to....

DEATH TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE NOT MENTIONED ABOVE!!!!!!!!!! (and notice that I WAS NOT MENTIONED!!!)

anyway.... luvs yas!

ronnye
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May. 6th, 2004 @ 08:04 pm death to the world till 25 May
Current Mood: sick from lack of sleep
Current Music: my computer slowly burning me a CD
i just wanna die for the next 19 days.... ive got too much going on....

so, inds.... i guess you approve of corys looks?!?! I KNOW I DO!!! now i want it to be sunday so i can just throw my arms around him and.... well... convince him to ask me out, of course!!! damn him for having a girlfriend....

anyway.... i thought i hated guys.... but apparently its impossible for me to hate cory.... he has such a wonderful smile... and personality... and sense of humor... and... everything about him is just perfect.... god i love him so...

and now im obsessed.... great.... i thought i was over that shit... well... maybe hugging him on sunday will ease the obsession... IT NEEDS TO BE SUNDAY, THEN I NEED TO DIE UNTIL 25 MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then we just need to stay at 6 Flags indefinitely.... until im 18, lets say.... cuz then i wont have to deal with sheri....

but.... yeah.... i have felt like shit for the last three weeks.... i havent been sleeping well at all... so im getting sick from lack of sleep..... i tried to eat breakfast this morning on the way to school and that just made me wanna puke even more....

but i dunno... ill try not to get too sick.... if sheri has any say, ill still be at school tomorrow...

luv yas lotses!!

ronnye
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May. 4th, 2004 @ 06:56 pm survey that i got from tor
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Roxie--Chicago Soundtrack
What is your favorite..
gum: Bubbilicious... umm... the blue one... i dont know the name
restaurant: MOE'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
drink: dr pepper
season: winter
type of weather: RAIN
emotion: kinda depressed, but not too far down
thing to do on a half day: go straight to church and sit w/ my youth directors and friends
late-night activity: read or write
sport: unorganized soccer
city: Lumberton, even tho i dont remember it well
store: hhmm... Target... they have awesome pjs

When was the last time you..

cried: sunday i think....
played a sport: hhhmmm... dunno
laughed: sometime today
hugged someone: tor, right before i left school
kissed someone: february.... at my churchs super bowl party
felt depressed: today
felt elated: felt what now?
felt overworked: overworked or overwhelmed? im always a little of both... but im usually more overwhelmed than overworked
faked sick: never
lied: when i told my parents i was talking to ryan/morgan instead of joseph

What was the last..

word you said: bye
thing you ate: snickers bar
song you listened to: All I Care About (Chicago Soundtrack)
thing you drank: CapriSun Lemonade pouch
place you went to: home from school
movie you saw: Pirates of the Caribbean on Sat
movie you rented: Kingdom Come i think
concert you attended: Rush last school year

Who was the last person you..

hugged: tori
cried over: joseph/cory
kissed: joseph
danced with: cory
shared a secret with: joseph
had a sleepover with: michelle r and her friends
called: joseph sunday night
went to a movie with: elliott in december
saw: sheri
were angry with: me
couldn't take your eyes off of: Cory
obsessed over: cory

Have you ever..

danced in the rain: yes. i love it
kissed someone: yeah
done drugs: no
drank alcohol: yes ive had a million diff kinds of wine, margaritas, wine coolers, beer, vodka, tequila, long island tea(or somethin like that), port, and a lot of other stuff
slept around: never
partied 'til the sun came up: not really partying...
had a movie marathon: went to one...
gone too far on a dare: no
spun until you were immensely dizzy: yes
taken a survey quite like this before: yes. but only when I'm bored
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May. 4th, 2004 @ 06:33 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: soon to be Chicago Soundtrack
hey there....

i still dont wanna do my youth choir musical in 12 days...

3 years and 27 days till i can leave my parents and never have to come back....

23 days till summer officially starts...

21 days till we go to Six Flags!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!

anyway....

thats really all im gonna say....

luv yas always

ronnye
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May. 1st, 2004 @ 09:26 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Big Spender
hey.... im so fuckin bored.... emys at my house... right now shes in richmonds room.... im not sure if i should worry or not.... but anyway....

i have to do my church skit tomorrow... i dont think i wanna do it anymore.... i wanna stay at church again all day tomorrow like i did last sunday... thatd be fun... 15 days till the youth choir musical at church.... i dont wanna do that either.... 30 days till my birthday.... 3 years and 30 days till i can just leave my parents.....

i cant wait till im 18.... my parents are evil.... i talked to KT on wednesday at church, and she asked me if id talked to my mom "about what we talked about on sunday" and i said yeah, and she asked if sheri had understood, and i said no.... cuz she turned it around to where everything was my fault.... as usual....

but anyway....

sheris only bein nice to me right now cuz emys here... as soon as emy leaves, shes gonna be a... theres no other way to say it, but shes gonna be a bitch again....

anyway....

im trying not to get too depressed, but its kinda failing... ive been around too many people lately....

see yalls later!!

ronnye
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May. 1st, 2004 @ 11:54 am funny crap, you guys, funny crap
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: a CD i burned from em k and my cousins goin crazy
ok you guys will find this funny: i went to my best friends b-day-slumber party-thingy... and i was the ONLY high schooler... all the other girls were screaming and trying to be black and stuff and i was just like "stupid little kids" and i finally noticed how different high schoolers are from middle schoolers and i was just like "dude, i used to pull that crap... LAST YEAR!!!" it was actually kinda depressing.... lol not really, but ok... anyway....

i gotta go... my cousins are goin crazy...

anyway...

luvs yalls lotses!!!

ronnye
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Apr. 28th, 2004 @ 02:18 pm "awards"
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: "You Alone" : Passion Band
ok, today was "awards day" for freshmen and i got the acting award!!! im so happy...

anyway...

uumm... yeah... ive been at home doing nothing since i left school after awards... ive been burning cds and getting stuff together for my rehearsal for my church skit tonight and sitting on my ass eating everything i can get my hands on

so yeah... i wish i couldve gone to coolidge, but no one told me they were going, so i didnt even ask mom if i could go... so i didnt go... anyway....

luvs yalls lotses!!

ronnye
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Apr. 23rd, 2004 @ 07:35 pm total boredom
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: CHICAGO SOUNDTRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!! lol
hey yous guys...

im posting today out of total boredom.... i have to burn a cd for mom and its taking FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cuz my computer is slow and stupid)

anyway...

uuummm... i started a new story yesterday... i think its my eighth or ninth running story... lol... i get writers block on my stories really easily... and yet i can always start a new one!!! lol...

i guess thats really all i have to say.... uummm... except for the funeral tomorrow that i REALLY dont wanna go to... but im kinda stuck going, so..... yeah....

anyways...

luvs yalls lotses and luvs yalls always(es)

much luv and peace out

always and forever

ronnye
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Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 06:22 pm depressing, yet with a funny ending
Current Mood: depressed, yet thoroly amused
Current Music: Matchbox 20 Bonus Track on More Than You Think You Are
hey you guys...

yesterday and today were really shitty days...

yesterday: fucked up my geometry homework, hadnt finished my world geography homework (i like it to be done the wednesday before its really due), hadnt studied for my biology test, hadnt even started reading tale of two cities for einstein, my dad had a migraine (which is a bad sign in any month except may), and i had a bad feeling about the situation of my great-uncle Paul Wingo

today: sheri("mom") woke me up at 6:46 by turning on my light... i looked at my clock and said, "wasnt i supposed to get a shower this morning since i didnt take one last night?" sheri said, "yeah, but we got a call saying that Pauls dead so i completely forgot about you" (as if Paul dies everyday and its nothing new to me)... then she gets home from taking Alex to Ooltewah High and says, "oh, yeah... yall knew that Paul died, right?" (again, like nothing was new and that we shouldnt be affected by it in any way)... so i get to school and everytime i just get to sit still, i cry!! so i get in ricks("dads") car after school to come home, and he says, "how was school?" and i said fine, he asked how i was and i said "okay, considering that Paul died..." and he said, "oh, yeah... the funerals on saturday at two" (now HE was acting like we go to funerals every saturday and that nothing was new)

so i guess im just ready to be able to just cry... and i really wanna go to my church to see if patty gray is there cuz i need to talk to him anyway... thisll just give me a better reason to talk to him...

OOHH!! also, my church is putting on a skit in two weeks to get more sunday school teachers... theres four characters in the skit: a mom ("Mom"), a little boy ("Mikey"), "Round John Virgin" (dont know where that came from, i didnt write the script), and "Bible Story Woman"... im not sure whos playing "Mom" and "Round John Virgin", but patty gray is playing "Mikey" (even tho hes well over six feet tall) and IM PLAYING "BIBLE STORY WOMAN"!!! I GET TO COME ON STAGE WEARING A CARDBOARD BIBLE!!! its gonna be hilarious... i get to make myself sound like a super-hero and say "IM BIBLE STORY WOMAN!!"

if you wanna see me make a fool outta myself, let me know and ill give you directions to my church... its gonna be soooo funny....

anyway... i gotta go, ill prolly post again later tonight...

luvs yalls lotses!!

ronnye
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Apr. 20th, 2004 @ 09:37 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: a song stuck in my head... not sure what its called
hey you guys i dont have much to say... but i just feel deprived of phone time with you guys cuz no one ever calls me anymore... im not saying that you have to call me like... right now... but maybe sometime soon when youre bored... i wouldnt mind getting a phone call and if you leave a message with my brother cuz im not home (for whatever reason) if he actually gives me your message (which he usually does) ill call ya back, and then i wont be bored... and i wont get too depressed, lonely, suicidal, etc.

so anyway... i love you all!!

always and forever...

ronnye
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Apr. 19th, 2004 @ 06:02 pm no more joseph...
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: "Goodbye to You" on a CD Moebee burned for me last yr
on zachs request, i wont say anything about j. f. j.... but i do want to say one thing (not about him, tho) i finally saw cory wilhoit yesterday after a month and a half of him being grounded from coming to church and youth, and so he came and i got to talk to him!!! and seeing his smile again made me love him again and it made me realize that joseph was just a filler obsession when i didnt have cory there every week... anyway... i have corys email now, so i can be happy... *smiles* anyway... i think thats all im gonna say...

zach: corys a freshman at csas, by the way... dont worry... we went to school together from 4th thru 6th grades and then his mom, stepdad, two little brothers (who are 4 and 5 and are both ADORABLE), and he joined my church when he started going to csas... so ive known him forever it feels like, and ive liked him the whole 5 1/2 years that ive known him... anyway...

luv yas always!!

ronnye... long story behind that name, but you can call me it if you want to...
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Apr. 9th, 2004 @ 10:14 am (no subject)
this week has to have been the absolute WORST week in the world... im just glad we finally get to be on spring break... im ready for summer... but i miss all my friends already... *cries cuz she feels alone* anyway... hope some of yall had a better week than me... luv always!! --me
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Apr. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:15 pm craziness...
this is absolutely crazy, but i was on the phone with joseph this morning, and he asked if he could come over to my house! i thought, 'mom would kill me, but that might be fun!' so i told him that wed have to stay on my back patio, and id have to make my mom think i was playing my guitar the whole time. he laughed and we talked about... something... and then he had to go... but it was just craziness... and it amused me... but..... yeah... hes supposed to call me back soon, but im not sure how soon... and i wanna go play my guitar, so i will... go... now... BYE! luvs yas!!
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Apr. 2nd, 2004 @ 09:19 pm lonely
i feel kinda weird sayin this, but i really want mom to say that im allowed to go out with someone... i mean, i know hes a senior, and im a freshman, but i really dont care... i wanna go out with him!! i mean, i could go behind moms back and go out with him without her knowing, but i would feel weird, then... cuz a lot of people at school would know - cuz i cant keep my bug mouth shut, so it would get around to my brother, so hed tell mom... or it would go around church, and shed hear it there... therefore, id be in really deep shit... but yeah... if youve read the poem CRY by jizzel, that kinda applies to whats goin on between me and him cuz i cant go out with him... or then theres this one... by me... called "All in the Name of Love" LOVE... UNABLE TO BE UNDERSTOOD, YOU COULD LOVE ANYONE WITH TIME... ESPECIALLY THOSE YOU ARE CLOSEST TO... YOU ARE MOST VULNERABLE OF LOVING THEM THEY KNOW YOU, YOU KNOW THEM... THEY COULD TELL YOU YOUR DEEPEST SECRETS, YOU COULD TELL THEM THEIRS... YOU FALL IN LOVE, BUT YOURE HELD BACK AN OUTSIDE FORCE RESTRICTS YOU, YOU CANT DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT... YOU PRAY FOR THINGS TO CHANGE, FOR AN "OKAY, FINE, GO AHEAD" FROM YOUR RESTRICTING OUTSIDE FORCE YOU WAIT AND PRAY IN VAIN, THE FORCE WONT GIVE IN... IF ANYTHING, IT TRIES ITS HARDEST TO RESTRICT YOU EVEN MORE... YOU WAIT, IT LIES IN WAIT FOR YOUR VULNERABILITY, YOU ARE EVER WATCHFUL NOW BECAUSE OF IT, SOME MAY EVEN SAY YOURE PARANOID PARANOIA... SCHIZOPHRENIA... ALL... IN THE NAME... OF... LOVE always and forever renne/addie/whatever
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